A Stark Revelation
by Nathander
Summary: One day Wilhelm notices something about himself he had never noticed before and finds that even one as iron willed as he lacks the ability to keep quiet about it and burdens his trouble upon Kevin. But what is this mysterious problem?


A Stark Revelation:

Disclaimer: I do not, never have, and never will, own Xenosaga. If I did, the Junior/MOMO and chaos/KOS-MOS pairings would be canon, much to your dismay/appreciation, depending on how you viewed it.

He stood and waited apprehensively in front of the door, his master's back turned to him as he looked out of the window of his office into the depths of space. He could already tell by his master's posture that he was in one of his darker moods, and other than that, he had no idea as what he was meant to expect from this meeting or what would happen. He also knew not to disturb his master unless talked to him first, and thus he stood and waited for his master to acknowledge his presence and that he had arrived.

With a slight sigh and without churning to face his servant, Wilhelm began to speak. "As I commonly do, I found myself looking into a mirror today. Do you know what I saw?"

"What, Master Wilhelm?" the Red Testament stated, making no guesses as to what his master might have seen so that he could not be viewed as insubordinate or jumping the gun to conclusions.

"I saw a face, and was disturbed to realize that it was my face." He paused for a moment before he stated, "I was disturbed by what I saw in that face, for I saw beauty there. I saw that I am a bishounen."

"……Excuse me, Master?"

"A bishounen. I realized I look like a bishounen. You know what a bishounen is, a pretty boy."

"Well, yes, I know what it is, Master Wilhelm." The Red Testament stammered, trying to compose himself. The fact that his master seemed to have any consideration or concern for his own physical appearance was startling and uncommonly materialistic. "I just kind of……I assumed you look the way you do because you want to"

"No." Wilhelm replied swiftly, turning around to sit in his chair at his desk, a small flicker of uncharacteristic worry crossing his delicate, troubled-yaoi-bad boy face. "In fact, I've been meaning to work on my appearance for literally centuries; it's merely consistently gotten pushed to the back of my schedule and I hadn't remembered it until now. This helps show the idiocy of the current human race. Honestly, you'd have thought someone would have challenged my current existence since I've had the same appearance and name for at least the last several hundred years."

Kevin merely nodded and gave an awkward smile underneath his mask, though he knew the smile was nowhere near necessary. He found himself slightly worried about his master's continued sanity and also confounded as to what the hell was going on. His master was worrying about being a _pretty boy_? Why should that matter? In fact, in the new world his master was going to create with himself as a god, why did he even think about it? He was reclusive by nature, so only a few employees and the Testaments ever saw him, and if anyone ever said something cross to him (a habit that Albedo still had yet to break), his glower could turn still turn anyone's blood to ice, no matter how pretty he looked.

And then Kevin was worried by the fact that he himself found Wilhelm pretty. In fact, the first time he met him he had believed him to merely be a somewhat masculine looking woman until he talked, at which point Kevin had decided to lock the memory into a secret vault of shame, filled with things he would never touch on again. Yet, even know he found his master oddly beautiful: his delicate hair, his lean figure, the depth that one could look into in his eyes……

Before Kevin's thoughts could become anymore yaoi-ish, they were broken by a stern "No." from Wilhelm, and even though there was no change in Wilhelm's usual monotone he could see the anger in his master's eyes. At first he was afraid that his master had peered into his thoughts, but that was quickly alleviated by his master's continued ranting.

"I cannot accept this." Wilhelm stated confidently. "If any beauty should be evident in me, it should be a dark, brooding beauty, or the beauty of brilliant knowledge. Yet I fear that, should people look on me, they will instead be blinded by my remarkable physical beauty." Turning back to his subordinate, he added, "Tomorrow have calls made to as many beauticians as possible. I shall soon have a horrifying visage in which they only beauty that can be seen is that which radiates from my knowledge."

"Yes master." Kevin responded solemnly before being dismissed by Wilhelm and heading back towards his own quarters, as issued by Wilhelm for his overmen. On his way out, he heard his master playing Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries", singing out his own words for it.

Kevin sighed as he walked, taking the time to think. Though his master was a brilliant man, there were times he admitted he doubted his sanity. Yet, at the same time, he felt he really was the only sane one among those he had aligned himself with. Virgil, he was certain, was bipolar, happily eating a Realian for the high at one moment and then weeping uncontrollably as he thought about Febronia the next, Voyager tended to PRAY at Wilhelm's feet before each meeting between him and the Testaments, and Albedo was Albedo.

He smiled as he got to the door for his own quarters and opened the door to step in before quickly closing it. He took off his mask and approached the table he had set up with two chairs, some champagne, and candlelight, sitting down at one of the tables. "Sorry, dear, but Wilhelm had a personal matter he had to discuss with me. Are you alright?" he asked the figure that sat across from him.

"Yeah….sure, whatever." Albedo replied dully from across the table, though few would have recognized it was Albedo. Kevin had him dressed in an old female Vector uniform, a red wig, and glasses. "And you promise this is the last night I have to do this crap, and that you'll finally give me the money you promised me for humoring your deranged fantasy?"

"Of course." Kevin responded, taking his champagne glass in one hand and placing the other over one of Albedo's. "But before we talk about money, let's talk about us. My precious Shion, what do you think of taking our relationship to that final step known as marriage?"

_Thank God,_ Kevin thought, _that I'm at least sane._

Author's Note: Yeah, that was short, screwed up, probably OOC (at least on Wilhelm's part), and weird, but it was an idea I just had to get out of my head before it chewed its way out. I'm in between ideas for serious fanfics right now, so I'm trying to get the sillier and weirder ones out of my head first, no matter what damage they will probably do to the consciousness of those who read it. I will say this, however: am I the only one who thinks that there is an incredible amount of humor to be found in the team that is Wilhelm and the Testaments? I mean, look at these people: Virgil is someone utterly in love with a Realian yet hates and eats Realians, Kevin is a backstabbing, angsty-boy douche bag who probably still pines for Shion's touch every night, Voyager is a violent religious fanatic who had no qualms about possibly killing the entirety of a planet, Albedo is a violent humanist fanatic who had wanted to hurl reality through itself to get it to a new and higher point of evolution, and their leader is the personification of Nietzsche's idea of the ancient prophet Zarathustra. It's like a sitcom that practically writes itself. Anyway, I hope this crap got maybe a few smiles or chuckles out of people.

CHAPTER FOUR OF LOVE AND MADNESS GO HAND IN HAND COMING SOON! I SWEARS IT THIS TIME! I SWEEEEEAAAAARRRRSSSS!


End file.
